Thoughts on empty nesting
Even though you can see ahead and know that the time is coming when one of your children will be leaving home, it seems to suddenly all be happening – the excitement, the packing and planning and then the empty space which feels so strange and unreal. Leaving home is a wonderful, positive and natural path and we would not want it any other way, but some of the feelings that we are left with can be difficult and incredibly painful.
It seems to us that however full, busy and exciting your own life may be at this time, it still is not easy to adjust to the change in dynamics, energy and headspace that we are left with when the ‘nest’ has shrunk or is completely empty for the first time.
We are all individuals and some of us will cope better than others but for those of us who would like to share experiences of coping with the ‘empty nest’, look out for forthcoming workshops on this theme here, or better still give us your e-mail address and we will send you details. Click here to go to our course page.
One mother says of her journey
I have felt :
- Angry about the mess my daughter left when she went overseas in a tearing hurry!
- Disorientated at having an emptier home all of a sudden.
- Alone with my feelings.
- Inadequate while people around me seem to be coping much better than me.
- Frustrated at feeling so emotional.
- Deserted.
Sometimes :
- I miss the hustle and bustle of teenagers.
- I relish the peace and quiet but then feel guilty.
- It’s too quiet.
- I just want to hug my daughter but she’s on the other side of the world.
On return visits when the ‘nest’ is temporarily full again it can feel overwhelming and I hate saying goodbye again.
At other times I enjoy the space and feel excited by what may come when my other child begins their journey.
Her partner says
They get really big and stop taking on board the loving advice and counsel; they ignore sheer nagging! Our daughter outgrew the home and while she still needs us she is full of the excitement of life out there. Her brother will leave soon. And then things will have really changed. It is natural that the kids must leave, I would worry more if they didn’t and stayed on being dependant or afraid to strike out on their own. It is hard to prepare for but from now on we will meet them adult to adult not parent to child.
As a birdwatcher I know that nests are for raising young and to give them a platform from which to fly. It’s the end of a stage not the story. As birds of a feather we’ll still be able to roost together when the seasons allow.
Sometimes I wonder what I’m for now my main role is winding up. I will have to find out and that is exciting.
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